this may be a corny sappy sad guilt post.. but its mine, and here it goes.
sometimes.. i feel like i put in a lot of effort into something. Every little bit that i have. I put in all of my thought. because when i do something i like to do it right. and i dont like to mess up. eventually i do mess up.. because thats the way things go. but im sure everyone has their experiences that they put in everything they have and give up all that they can for something they want, or want to see happen.. and then it feels like its all gone to waste.. because no one else wants to put in that effort and no one else even wants to hear what you have to say. and then you have something good, and you of course.. ruin it. you screw it up. its what i do. everything positive in my life, it cant be positive.. no i have to turn it into something bad because i will over think every situation..and every good outcome of something and make it upsetting.
when i talk about change .. i made a few huge changes this year... the year is almost over and look where i am.. back right where i started. I hate it.. its like running on a treadmill.. btw i hateee running on those stupid things. your running and your putting in all this effort but getting no where or nothing done. ive been trying and trying and attempting to change.. and im getting absolutly no where.. if anything more behind. i dont want to go to school i dont want to grow up. i dont want anything. everyone wants to get out.. but i want to stay. im scared. and freaking out. i think i know everything about everything and i should have this plan which i know i dont have to.. but .. im freaking out.
i dont want to grow up. i want to be SIMPLY happy with one thing. something that when im down i can go back to it.. and be just mellow .. i want something i cant screw up. i want something im good at.. and something that makes me feel good doing it..
find me a hobby or something.
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2 comments:
oh, jenny. i remember feeling the way you do. i remember being scared about leaving and getting out. it's a scary thing! i remember feeling like everything i did i screwed up, i still feel that way today. but don't let it stop you. you don't mess everything up! i have learned that sometimes when we make mistakes that's when we learn new and exciting things about ourselves and the world and people around us. we should get together and talk sometime.
"messing up is where we find joy"
we all screw up...just look around the mess and find the good.
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